No Academy Award For Me!

Maybe I’m not as great an actor as I thought I was.  As I’ve said before I always try to keep my game face on, no matter how much pain and fatigue Chiari is dishing out. When people ask me how I’m doing I usually smile and say I doing fine.  I also try my hardest every day to live like a normal person and not let Chiari stop me from doing things.  There are times that the pain and fatigue slow me down a bit, but it never stops me.  I never want to be the dad that has to tell his kids he can’t do something because he’s in too much pain or is too tired.  There are times I have to limit the amount of activity I do with the kids, or tell them I need a little rest before we do something but I always try to be an active dad.

Well the other day I learned I’m not always good at keeping my game face on.  It was one of those days where Chiari was kicking my ass and every step, every small movement made my head explode and my neck burn and throb.  Hell, it even hurt to breathe.  I thought I had my A-Game working and that no one could see below the carefully maintained façade of normality.  Then it happened…I walked through the family room on my way upstairs, said hello to my kids as I passed them.  As I turned the corner and headed up the stairs I heard my beautiful little girl turn to her brother and say “daddy is mad at everyone tonight”.  I felt a piece of my heart break and my eyes started to well-up a bit as the full impact of her tone and words sunk in.  I wiped the tears away and immediately went back downstairs to explain that I wasn’t mad and that I just had a really bad headache.  My explanation resulted in gentle kisses on my forehead from both of the kids.  Those kisses actually help me feel a little better.  I spent the rest of the night just hanging out with my kids; I guess it wasn’t such a bad day after all.