It sure seemed like 2017 was
shaping up to be a shitty year. The
headache pain was getting worse, I was having more bad days and far fewer good
days, and my left side –especially my left hand – was at times turning me into
a clumsy mess. I was dropping stuff all
the time and my left leg would decide it didn’t want to cooperate when I was
trying to walk. And the biggest disappointment,
the Botox didn’t seem to be helping any longer.
Things got bad enough that in February my neurologist decided to send me
for an MRI, as you may know I'm not a fan of MRI's (click here for more). The MRI
results can be filed under “Tell me something I didn’t already know”; there is
fluid accumulating around the surgical site.
I knew from prior MRI's that the patch under my zipper was leaking, it’s not enough to cause
concern – for me anyway, but Dr. Boor was a bit worried about it - and even if it’s causing some problems I’m not
going back under the surgeon’s knife until there are really horrible symptoms.
Since I have been seeing Dr. Boor
I have keeping a headache journal. It’s
basically a monthly calendar where I enter the pain scale number for the day, and
what meds I took that day, I’ll also note if I did something that day to make
the pain worse. When he started me on
the journal he explained his version of the 1-10 headache pain scale. The colorful words are mine…1-3 are your
basic everyday headaches better known as “normal people headaches”, 4 puts you
into sinus infection pain territory or “damn my head really hurts”, 5 starts the
migraine pain levels, 5 is better known as “oh my god my head is killing me”, 6
is “oh shit, it hurts so much I want to gouge my eyes out”, 7 is “oh fuck me, there
really are 7 levels of hell and I think I’ve found an 8th , I
need my bed”, 8 is “it hurts so bad I want to smash my head against the wall
until I pass out”. Levels 9 and 10 are
either you’re recovering from brain surgery or you’re having a stroke. I consider a good day to be one where I have spent
every waking hour with level 5 pain, unfortunately I had been experiencing more
and more days in the 7-8 range. There is
nothing more fun than having a million things to do when all you want to do is
smash your head against a wall so you can pass out and get some sleep. But hey,
that’s life you’ve got to play the hand you were dealt.
The first 5 months of 2017 were a
blur of constantly increasing pain, fatigue and hopelessness. All I could think of was that if I’m in this
much pain now and struggling to make it through each day at the age of 50 how
hellish will my life become at 60 and will I be able to handle this kind of existence
at 70 and beyond. I was now fighting a
battle on two fronts. Not only did I
have to fight through the pain, I had to fight as hard as I could to keep my
old nemesis depression from taking me over again, I could feel it trying to
creep back into my life, trying to make me miserable. Depression had almost ruined my life once –
well probably more than once – and there was no way I was going to let it get
me again. Luckily when I was in my 20’s through
therapy and research I learned tricks to occupy my brain to keep depression at
bay so I had been winning the fight.
Then along comes June 1,
2017. During the afternoon I had a
headache unlike any I had ever had before, I can’t even really describe it
other than to say it was almost electrical in nature, it was bizarre. I was also having bouts of dizziness that I
was afraid would end up with me crashing to the floor every time I stood up. I was even getting dizzy spells when I was
sitting at my desk working. As usual I just
ignored the pain and the increased dizziness and pushed on through the work day. Later that evening it happened…I was sitting
next to my wife in a camping chair watching our daughter play softball when the
strangest feeling came over me. I felt startled
and somewhat confused as I began to realize that something very, very different
was happening in my head. The dizziness
was gone and I DIDN’T HAVE A HEADACHE!!!
For the first time in forever I wasn’t in pain. I wanted to jump up and
down and scream the good news to everyone but at the same time I was so afraid that
I’d jinx myself that I didn’t even say anything to Joyce about it. That night I laid awake as long as I could, I
wanted to experience this new painlessness for as long as I could. Unfortunately that was my only pain free day
but since then most of my days have been a level 3 or less, it’s like I have a
new lease on life. Of course me being me
I tend to push myself so I’ll do stuff I shouldn’t do like mow and trim the
lawn by myself or move heavy objects and end up with level 7 or 8 headaches, but
the next day they are usually down to a 3 or 4 followed by a few days of 2 or
3. Sometimes I’ll even get a few hours
of level 1 which is AWESOME! There are
still things that trigger worse pain like bending over, sneezing, coughing, and
pooping but the increase in pain only lasts from a few minutes to a few hours
not the entire day like before.
By now you must be asking
yourself “how did this happen”? Remember my last post about forgetting my meds;
well I did remember to take my new prescription with me. Dr. Boor decided to try adding Cymbalta to my
Lyrica. Cymbalta gets a bad rap because
it can cause some bizarre and dangerous side effects; luckily the only thing it
has done to me is cause dry mouth. After
taking the Cymbalta for a week and finally getting back on the Lyrica the drug
combo started working. Besides helping
decrease the headache pain Cymbalta has also had another great effect on me…Calmness. I’m no longer the rage fueled lunatic I was, I’ve
lost the road rage which was getting worse by the day, hell I don’t even
tailgate like I used to anymore. The years
of constant pain had raised my anxiety levels so high that I had become
explosive. As an example, I would knock
something over on my desk as I was reaching for something else and the rage
would take over, something as simple as that would make me go completely mental. It didn’t take much to turn me into a swearing-crazed-angry-monster.
We all know nothing is forever
and I don’t k now how long this drug combo will continue to work, but I’m going
to do my best to enjoy every second of feeling better for as long as it does
work.
