Woot Woot!!!!!

It sure seemed like 2017 was shaping up to be a shitty year.  The headache pain was getting worse, I was having more bad days and far fewer good days, and my left side –especially my left hand – was at times turning me into a clumsy mess.  I was dropping stuff all the time and my left leg would decide it didn’t want to cooperate when I was trying to walk.  And the biggest disappointment, the Botox didn’t seem to be helping any longer.  Things got bad enough that in February my neurologist decided to send me for an MRI, as you may know I'm not a fan of MRI's (click here for more).  The MRI results can be filed under “Tell me something I didn’t already know”; there is fluid accumulating around the surgical site.  I knew from prior MRI's that the patch under my zipper was leaking, it’s not enough to cause concern – for me anyway, but Dr. Boor was a bit worried about it -  and even if it’s causing some problems I’m not going back under the surgeon’s knife until there are really horrible symptoms.

Since I have been seeing Dr. Boor I have keeping a headache journal.  It’s basically a monthly calendar where I enter the pain scale number for the day, and what meds I took that day, I’ll also note if I did something that day to make the pain worse.  When he started me on the journal he explained his version of the 1-10 headache pain scale.  The colorful words are mine…1-3 are your basic everyday headaches better known as “normal people headaches”, 4 puts you into sinus infection pain territory or “damn my head really hurts”, 5 starts the migraine pain levels, 5 is better known as “oh my god my head is killing me”, 6 is “oh shit, it hurts so much I want to gouge my eyes out”, 7 is “oh fuck me, there really are 7 levels of hell and I think I’ve found an 8^th , I need my bed”, 8 is “it hurts so bad I want to smash my head against the wall until I pass out”.  Levels 9 and 10 are either you’re recovering from brain surgery or you’re having a stroke.  I consider a good day to be one where I have spent every waking hour with level 5 pain, unfortunately I had been experiencing more and more days in the 7-8 range.  There is nothing more fun than having a million things to do when all you want to do is smash your head against a wall so you can pass out and get some sleep. But hey, that’s life you’ve got to play the hand you were dealt.

The first 5 months of 2017 were a blur of constantly increasing pain, fatigue and hopelessness.  All I could think of was that if I’m in this much pain now and struggling to make it through each day at the age of 50 how hellish will my life become at 60 and will I be able to handle this kind of existence at 70 and beyond.  I was now fighting a battle on two fronts.  Not only did I have to fight through the pain, I had to fight as hard as I could to keep my old nemesis depression from taking me over again, I could feel it trying to creep back into my life, trying to make me miserable.  Depression had almost ruined my life once – well probably more than once – and there was no way I was going to let it get me again.  Luckily when I was in my 20’s through therapy and research I learned tricks to occupy my brain to keep depression at bay so I had been winning the fight.

Then along comes June 1, 2017.  During the afternoon I had a headache unlike any I had ever had before, I can’t even really describe it other than to say it was almost electrical in nature, it was bizarre.  I was also having bouts of dizziness that I was afraid would end up with me crashing to the floor every time I stood up.  I was even getting dizzy spells when I was sitting at my desk working.  As usual I just ignored the pain and the increased dizziness and pushed on through the work day.  Later that evening it happened…I was sitting next to my wife in a camping chair watching our daughter play softball when the strangest feeling came over me.  I felt startled and somewhat confused as I began to realize that something very, very different was happening in my head.  The dizziness was gone and I DIDN’T HAVE A HEADACHE!!!  For the first time in forever I wasn’t in pain. I wanted to jump up and down and scream the good news to everyone but at the same time I was so afraid that I’d jinx myself that I didn’t even say anything to Joyce about it.  That night I laid awake as long as I could, I wanted to experience this new painlessness for as long as I could.  Unfortunately that was my only pain free day but since then most of my days have been a level 3 or less, it’s like I have a new lease on life.  Of course me being me I tend to push myself so I’ll do stuff I shouldn’t do like mow and trim the lawn by myself or move heavy objects and end up with level 7 or 8 headaches, but the next day they are usually down to a 3 or 4 followed by a few days of 2 or 3.  Sometimes I’ll even get a few hours of level 1 which is AWESOME!  There are still things that trigger worse pain like bending over, sneezing, coughing, and pooping but the increase in pain only lasts from a few minutes to a few hours not the entire day like before. 

By now you must be asking yourself “how did this happen”? Remember my last post about forgetting my meds; well I did remember to take my new prescription with me.  Dr. Boor decided to try adding Cymbalta to my Lyrica.  Cymbalta gets a bad rap because it can cause some bizarre and dangerous side effects; luckily the only thing it has done to me is cause dry mouth.  After taking the Cymbalta for a week and finally getting back on the Lyrica the drug combo started working.  Besides helping decrease the headache pain Cymbalta has also had another great effect on me…Calmness.  I’m no longer the rage fueled lunatic I was, I’ve lost the road rage which was getting worse by the day, hell I don’t even tailgate like I used to anymore.  The years of constant pain had raised my anxiety levels so high that I had become explosive.  As an example, I would knock something over on my desk as I was reaching for something else and the rage would take over, something as simple as that would make me go completely mental.  It didn’t take much to turn me into a swearing-crazed-angry-monster. 

We all know nothing is forever and I don’t k now how long this drug combo will continue to work, but I’m going to do my best to enjoy every second of feeling better for as long as it does work.